Goodbye Cory
by Stefanym369
Summary: These are just my words and thoughts on the death of Cory Monteith. I just had to talk to someone, or my computer, about this because no one around me really understands. I'll really miss him, because he's been a part of my life for four long years. R.I.P. Cory Monteith 1982-2013.


Hey, I know no one knows who I am because I barely made this account. I made it specifically to write how I feel about this whole tragedy.

The moment when I first heard of this was just so unreal. I was just reading Choosing Glee when my sisters says "Who's Cory Monteith?" I immediately started listing off every single detail that I knew about him. When I was done she told me three simple words.

Well he's dead.

I didn't believe her. I got up and grabbed the laptop away from her and went on Google. I didn't even get to finish his last name when the first two listings were, "Cory Monteith found dead" and "Cory Monteith death". My vision got blurry, as I clicked on the links. Even though I was staring at it, I didn't want to believe it. I then went on Twitter, and it was **everywhere.** I still didn't want to believe it. All over my wall there were gleeks tweeting how they'll miss Cory with every single tweet holding #RIPCoryMonteith #StayStrongLea .

It was around there that I decided to go to my bed and sob into my pillow. My parents walked into the room, a minute later, barely finding out about Cory's death. They know how much everyone in Glee means to me and comforted me the best they could. It didn't do much though. I, just like many of you, have never dealt with a death before. I understood that I'd never get the chance to meet him, to thank him for the four years of encouragement and inspiration, and to see him on Glee anymore.

He was gone.

After an hour or so of crying, I decided to get back online and do more research. Just to see if these were rumors or the actual facts. I decided to stick to Twitter and Tumblr, because let's face it. Everyone on Facebook only posts "OH that's so sad that Finn died RIP" with a picture attached. Most of the people as my friends will never understand what he really meant to me. To us.

I truly believe that in order for me to get through this is by talking to you guys, and surprisingly not my family. They'll always say that we never met so I can't really feel sad, but I'm sure you guys will disagree with them. He was a part of me becoming who I am, and for that I'll always be thankful.

As time wore on and 12AM turned to 4AM, I still didn't want to believe it. Going through the different photosets, GIFs, the different fandoms posting GIFs of support, and videos of Cory had my heart in painful knots. Not to mention that I was listening to some of his solos like "Can't Fight This Feeling" and "I'll Stand By You" had me crying every single time. I continued sobbing even more when we bought that star for him. Everything kept on leading back to the fact that he was indeed dead. My mind kept on switching back and forth. He's gone. No he isn't it's just a joke. I'll never see him again. He'll be with Lea on the sets come August.

These days leading up, I've honestly been trying to make myself feel anything else than emotional pain. Sort of physical. Not like cutting or hurting myself though! Here, I went to the beach several hours after finding out about Cory, because I had already made plans, and sometimes when the waves would hit me...I'd let them actually bring me down. I wouldn't immediately swim up for air. Or I would sometimes punch the waves, which is useless, to get some anger and sadness out. Or at the gym, I'd push myself to the point where the physical pain was taking the place of the emotional one.

I'm now understanding that nothing that I do will bring him back. It still hurts to look up at the stars, think about Lea, see a video of him, watching Glee, or read a fanfic about him. Each time I try, it makes me fight myself to keep the tears in.

My heart hurt just thinking about Lea, his family, friends, and the Glee cast. I mean we only knew a part of him, and they really knew him. I am deeply sorry for their loss along with ours as well. Everyone, please remember him as the great, outgoing, generous, funny, awkward, Canadian guy that he was. I really believe that everyone can get through this. We can talk to each other, and help. I'll really miss Cory, but he'll be in our hearts. Goodbye Cory...

R.I.P. Cory Allen-Michael Monteith 1982-2013


End file.
